Dementia: i need to be more alert?

I was mentally breakdown.. I can't go work.. just i tears, every moment: sleep, wake up, dream, bath, watching tv, praying, driving... everything i see, is about mama's image... all about memories replay and replay in my mind.. i told my boss, i need to rest and settle mama things... 7 days off from work, not actually many things to settle.. mentally ill, emotionally ill... i am..

staying at home, i observe papa everyday.. he is not as talkative, as when mama around last time... he seems, empty...


sometimes, he told me about Hui Ying offered him to back to DAP.. but sometimes, he told me DAP don't want to take him back as their staff.. he mumble that he is old, not efficiency in work, people don't want him anymore...


i'm not sure, which is true.. but i only know, he feel useless and empty... he resigned from DAP to stay home accompany mama last time.. he unable to return back there to work... he feel lost...

i wanna support him.. cheer him up.. i ask him if he love to work at temple, do some cleaning and chair arrangement for temple.. he loves it... he want to try.. but, will he be fine there? will he lost memory and don't know the way to go and return by himself? anyway, can't get any temple to accept him yet, even he willing to give FOC service... he disappointed, again...

Sister want him to do something, to spend his time at home.. We checked his smartphone, sister installed apps: candy crush, whatapps, messenger, etc.. teach him to stay connect with us...
he try to play candy crush, everyday.. but, seems like he can't understand much about it.. i saw him stuck there, don't know which candy to touch...


We thought we wanna bring him out and get some shopping to cheer up.. thought this will be good for him.. but i hurt him more:
I was out of cash when i Q at Uniqlo counter to pay the purchase.. papa immediately offer himself to pay.. he dig dig his little waist pouch, took out his old wallet and open up, only RM8 he had... he surprised.. he didn't say a word, but stunt there, lost his reaction... finally sister come and pay it..
Really heart breaking to see him lost his word, when he found that he can't have money to pay for his children... he thought he still the man who responsible for his children shopping.. but that moment, he already forgot, he'd spent most of his money for mama's treatment, and he got nothing left... he don't have a job, and he never get more than RM10 in his wallet since then.. he don't gamble, because he can't go out by himself anymore.. poor in his wallet, makes him feel more poor in his heart...
  
Papa doesn't talk much, doesn't smile much...

we can't get him a job, even offer to serve for free...
we can't get him understand the smartphone technology, he can't enjoy it..
we can't makes him feel rich, physically and mentally..
he feel disappoint, whenever we try to cheer him up..

i over look.. i'm not alert enough..
i should have understand him more...

爸爸，对不起...

i'll try to get you something to fill up your time..
i'll teach you other things which you familiar, no more technology junky..
i'll fill up your wallet, and your mental, will not let you feel poor anymore..

失智症 Dementia

Papa swung his helmet towards me... My papa was beating me with helmet in the hospital ward, where my mama stayed.. i cried for help, but non of them care about me... because that moment, looks like a family fighting... 

why he beat me? 

Mama stayed hospital due to wound infection.. mama was in fever and was having hallucination... papa was very stress with mama bad condition.. he thought every nurses not helping mama, maid not helping mama.. he tried to kill the maid as well... i tried to stop, and he swung his helmet towards my head... He lost his control, and his hand is shaky... he yell like a mad man... not like my usual papa... i'm scare..

Next few days after the incident, with the police report, i brought papa to visit psychiatric clinic in the same hospital mama stayed. After all the test done on him, i ask if there is any medication or treatment center papa can go.. Doctor said to me "YOU ARE HIS MEDICATION... his sickness: 失智症.. you understand Mandarin?" then, she passed me a booklet... "you have to learn, how to be his medicine... your patience, is necessary..." meanwhile, she wrote something on the slip... "here is the pill i can give you... if you failed, then you feed him this.. else, you will be in danger... try to learn, when is the right moment to feed this pill.. observe... if you finally become his medicine, you don't need to use the pill anymore... patience..."

i'm not a psychiatric doctor... but i'm papa medicine?

i'm panic... seriously... what should i do?

now mama no more here with me, what should i do with papa? 

i'm afraid, i can't be a good medicine for papa... 

Now i create this diary, to write down the Dementia moment/cases of my papa...

As a record of my study, on how to be medicine for papa...

advice me, if my method is wrong...